Evolnikufesin (N F L)
by 11291926
Summary: People said that the worst scenario that could have occurred in your life is meet your ex-wife/husband after divorced in an unhealthy way. No wonder Oga Tatsumi is included one. [OOCs]


Beelzebub「**べるぜバブ**」© Tamura Ryūhei「**田村隆平**」

Emergency Couple 「**응급남녀**」© Choi Yoon-Jung「**최윤-정**」

Rated : T + [15 +] PG (a lot of disrespectful words that is allowed without censorships.)

Genre : Parody, Comedy, Romance, Family

**WARNING!** : This story contains insanity, non-sense comedy, a lot of grammatical errors, irresponsible words that insult some groups, punk music culture, (a little) heavy metal music culture included, also disturbing materials that you might not want to read or you'll regret later.

**Summary :**

Oga Tatsumi found himself had chosen the very wrong option by marrying a Macanese blonde, Hildegarde, at the youthful and glorious moment of his the one and only chance, high school life. The marriage which led them to unhappy and destructive life finally ended up with divorce was the only solution. After divorced, they made an agreement in their own heart that they will never ever meet each other again forever. 6 years passed, Oga had done his college and began his career as an amateur punk-rock band's vocalist also guitarist to make his dream came true that was delayed when he was high school due to his marriage life. Their relationship has ended up yet they accidentally met each other again.

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><p><strong>Evolnikufesin [N. F. L.]<strong>

**Track bub! :**

**Prologue**

_That day was the day when a male and female's lives turned fucking upside down._

Theoretically, nothing unusual thing was happened in Ishiyama shopping district in that morning. It was full with crowds as usual who were busy with their own businesses; shopping, trading, promoting or else, not bothered regarding the fact that between the crowds always happened something cliché for foreigners, some delinquents who shamelessly picked a fight wherever and whenever they met each other, whether inside public toilet or church. But perhaps, this morning seemed way more unique when a 'show', which happened probably only once in a lifetime, happened live in the sea of people that no one would miss it. No, there was no a sudden "Meet and Greet with Joey Belladona, Scott Ian, Rob Caggiano, Frank Bello and Charlie Benante*" that we doubt that there were probably only 1 of 10 people who would scream madly and started to do pogo dance** or else.

Simply to say, there were two people; a couple, indeed, crossed the shopping district riding a bike. They were looked in a hurry and would get rid off whatever in front of them blindly; not giving any concern that probably what they crashed were cats and ol' granny. What made them fascinating was what costume they wore. A brunette man riding the bike wore top of tuxedo complete with red necktie which used to be seen for a formal event, even though his dark blue ripped jeans ruined his image; he didn't give a damn either. As for the blonde who became his passenger, she was dressed in a white strapless dress; with pile of laces under the dress that fell until her knees, beautifully wrapped her body. To make a thing more obvious, she held a bouquet although it was probable that she missed something on her head.

After the couple, followed by several men in black making a stupid decision by running at the highest speed chased them down. If only the couple hadn't passed Ishiyama market they would have ridden their cars that now uselessly parked before the gate.

Seeing this as an opportunity, the brunette boosted up the speed. At the end of Ishiyama shopping district, they would find the river that they should across by bridge which was located 1 km away from the right turn. But what they didn't expect was there were two black cars had been waiting for their arrival blocking them from two sides.

Not given any good option, he braked immediately. His eyes twitched. What a pain.

As his action had been stopped, a long haired blonde woman got off from one of the car. "Oga Tatsumi, you are under suspected of ruining and trampling good reputation of Siferd family also inciting Hilda. And for Hilda, you can choose either to give in nicely or we have no choice but to give you punishment." She used a speaker that wasn't really worth at all when the targets were only ten steps away from her.

"What if I say 'fuck off'?" Oga yelled louder than her, not wanting to surrender yet.

"Well, you have no choice, you scum." She gave a wicked smirk.

He sighed. Well, since the start this was already such a pain in the ass for him. He; a kind hearted, charming, cool, and handsome guy that there might be no one else like him [**hahaha… #sarcasm**], like any other man, wanting to get married with a girl. Indeed, these whoever they were came following him and they looked about to ready shot 'em till dead if he dared to puke on them. Like he was some kind of terrorist and this would be terrorist wedding that would take a wedding vow with Ishiyama in the sea of fire as background. He scratched his head, persist his brain to give any worth idea to escape from this shit. All men who surrounded them watched in steady on the couple, worrying that they might make any suspicious movement. Finally Oga broke the silence. "Oi, Hilda."

"Hmm, what? Don't you want to beat them, mongrel?" Hilda said in an icy tone, seemed like not even affected by the situation. He didn't know if this was the good side or bad side of her either, she happened to be like this anytime, anywhere. Her fighting instinct urged to rise inside her. That's so her, he thought.

"No and if you still call me like that, I won't marry you." Oga sighed. He then spoke again. "Hilda, do you really want to marry me?"

"I'm kinda bored with that question." In Oga's mind he knew that Hilda actually wanted to say "Yeah, fuck I do." But she wasn't really honest to say something cheesy.

"Although… I smell like a fish in our wedding?"

"Huh?" It took her time to process his question. But before gave her any chance to answer he began pedaling straight down to the river. Everyone as shocked as Hilda who had just realized what the fool before her eyes tried on. "O… oi, Oga!"

Perhaps because the kindness of God… or this incident had been written 25 years before they were born… or good fortune… or just bollocks, there was a climb certainly used by some street kids who had passion in skateboard or x-games near the riverbanks, straight from their location. Without hesitant, Oga made his way at the highest speed. It felt the time had stopped as they drifted in the air. The others who hadn't moved a single inch from their spot left dumbfounded, their mouth gaped widely while the one who became the passenger had a terrifying look on her eyes. Hilda, a 16 year old Macanese just realized that she gave away her life to the dumbest creature she'd ever met. He would meet his final destination if her dress soaked because only elite woman like her who understood how hard it is to treat 'spoiled dresses'.

At this rate, based on logical rational scientific physics knowledge, with vector under 50 km/hour and a short distance it was impossible to across the river length 1,3 km due to factors like gravity also air force that must be abandoned to make this simple. Thanks God because if the author hadn't had a grudge against physics and this wasn't a Weekly Shonen Jump comic, they wouldn't have miraculously passed the river, leaving those people with no option except go through the bridge and take 10 minutes. That's no use. They lost the couple's trace. All men gulped their saliva as the blonde woman let out frustrating groan. Dark aura began surrounded her which meant one thing, their "angelic" master wouldn't let them escape from punishment for sure.

"Hilda, you bitch… You'll pay this forward."

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><p>"We cannot… see a foot ahead in our lives."<p>

A middle-aged bearded guy; dressing in a priest's dress that was looked ridiculously unsuitable on him, lightened up his cigarette with a candle next to him after he finished one sentence. The smokes faded into the void in the hall of church. Having done with smoking, he continued his preach.

"It's because we ain't creatures that are so called 'Gods', 'Jesus' etcetera. So stop doing stupid things because 'YOLO', You Only Live Once." He raised his feet, giving a dramatic effect.

Nobody responded with being fascinated or awed by his preach. They looked at him with dead-panned faces, leaving this situation into more awkward. He chuckled bitterly.

"For Ishiyama which is popular for 'city of punks in Japan', I've never expected that you brats treat me like a barking dog." He pointed his finger to everyone angrily. "You—"

A loud thud startled everyone in church. All eyes focused on the couple, who leisurely broke into the church full with their bike; still riding on it, went closer to the priest. Everyone began fussing around, whispering something while the couple seemed mindless. Oga stood in front of him, followed by Hilda behind, and calmly greeted him. "Ssup, Saotome."

"Ya, Oga… To think that you ruin up preach and… Who's that woman next to you?" Saotome came closer to get a full view of her. "Holy shit, jackpot! Oga, where did you find her?"

"Well, it's a long story and I'm not in the mood for bedtime story—"

"Cut the crap. Tell him why we're here." Hilda said nonchalantly. She couldn't help feeling anxious; she couldn't guarantee that they had stopped chasing him and her. Yolda and the bodyguards maybe go with an alternative way. She had no time for this whatever conversation.

Oga sighed deeply. He never planned this would be a long journey. "Okay, all of you, holds your farts because we're here to get married."

All audiences fell silent. Saotome blinked several times, not sure if this was just a joke to prank him or Oga was deadly serious because words "Oga" and "get married" couldn't be related unless this was the end of the world. Moreover with a bloody hot blondie standing next to him was his soon-to-be wife.

'_This world really fucked up with me'_ He thought. "Oga… I, as your former teacher and personal trainer, no matter what kind of situation are this I still cannot find this acceptable. How in the world you, my shitty brat ex-student, can get married with this kind of girl that I even merely know. In conclusion, I cannot agree this—"

"Cut it off! Just give us the damn vow!" They shouted in unison.

"Geez, now I understand why you two can be related with each other." Saotome took a breath and let out a long sigh. "From this day forward, until the two of you have nowhere to go except Hell, until your skins crack, until you two become demons, until one of you try to kill the other, until…"

"We always try to kill each other. Can you make this damn vow short? I have to watch Gohan-kun at eleven." Oga gritted his teeth as he saw the monitor showed 10:30 am.

Hilda glanced at him who gave her an annoying "what?" expression. "Oh, that's why you refuse to beat them. Do you know—"

She was ready to shout at him but to no avail, Oga closed her mouth as he whispered "Ssh, keep it for tonight." He smirked as he saw her reaction.

Hilda stammered, not knowing what to do to reply him. She just turned her face and mumbled, "I hate the way you say it."

"Stop acting so lovey dovey in front of me." Saotome couldn't stand to watch Oga did something smelled romantic. "Oga Tatsumi, do you take this woman… err, what's your name?"

"Hilda."

"Hilda, as your wife in health and sickness for the rest of your life?"

"I do."

"And Hilda, do you take this man, Oga Tatsumi, as your husband in health and sickness for the rest of your life?"

"Yes, I do."

"I now pronounce you… agh, whatever. Just put the rings, kiss, and go away. Because of you I forget what I want to say to these brats."

Oga took out a blue velvet box from his jeans. He opened it, there was a ring with modest style; silver ring without diamond but looked beautiful with natural carving. He took it and put it on her. Any woman, even Hilda, couldn't felt happier than this. She looked into the onyx orbs, convincing herself that this was not just a dream. "Oga, I…"

"Hilda, forgive me for my selfishness." Oga pressed his lips softly onto her. All they could taste was the sweet-bitterness as they deepened their kiss. The audiences cheered the newlyweds, congratulating and encouraging them to have a long marriage. They remembered the day as the most blissful day.

Or so they thought.

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><p>Marriage is the most sacred moment in your life, they said. In any religions, they taught mankind about how much important a marriage was. It was explained that a marriage was a way to devote your life to God. However, in this life, there was a time too, when human realized that they had to make up their choices to make a better life. And that man was no wonder one of them.<p>

Oga Tatsumi, Ishiyama High School student, now in his brain there was only one quote that popped in his mind.

"_Son, you've been really in a deep shit named marriage."_

**つづく**

**-To be continued-**

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><p>*Anthrax. Duh.<p>

**Pogo dance was created by John Simon Ritchie a.k.a Sid Vicious. Basically this is just jumping ups and downs on the place. Pogo dance is associated with punk-rock.

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><p><strong>[AN : 2.447 words (wow, quite something for prologue). I'm open mind with any critics. Tell me if I have sense of humor or not. It'd be embarrassing if nobody laughs for a parody story… (I will move on… certainly)]**

**+ Next Track bub! : 01. Sure… Love Kills +**

"_Love is hard to definable, but one of many ways is about protect and willingly sacrifice what you have for someone who is most precious for you."_

**-11291926 +01+**


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